Horoscope

Aries
[ Mar 21 - Apr 20 ]
Your most decisive planets strike at the very summit of your solar chart, challenging you to achieve your ambitions, using not 100 per cent effort, but something like 110 per cent! If you experience a setback, it's a message to change your tack, especially if a romantic partner is involved.

Scorpio
[ Oct 24 - Nov 22 ]
How about making a bid for increased recognition of your talents? This may mean showing off just a little, and as long as you're not arrogant, other people should respond favourably. You may be greeted with a few long faces at home, where children might not like your new approach!

hai.....

somebody please help me!!!! i'm soOoOoO not supposed to be doing this now............................. but wat the heck............ bleargh...........................................

set me free
chain bound and trapped in your malicious stare
indignant by your fury
aggravated by the extremes of your vile emotions
stifling my needs and hunger for your past presence
this maelstrom thats been setting us apart
thru all this time, i've been deluded
believing you to be the one i've been waiting for all along.

so lazy......................

i've only.... wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.
5 days on the record to my common test exams
1 whole week of exams....................................
and i've not even prepared yet..
sigh.. wont be blogging much anymore..
must focus..
sigh.....................................................................................

For my sweetheart.. Wonder what happened to the rose I gave you..

Summary For Today

2.15pm: Left the house for VSC interview at Temasek Polytechnic
2.30pm: Took bus 13 (Syahid was on the bus)
2.45pm: Took bus 23
3.30pm: Reached the school
3.45pm: Wait for my turn at the waiting room
5.45pm: Finished the interview (It went fine, I guess)
6.00pm: Took bus 23 (Talk about Syahid's love life)
6.30pm: Walked to Book Keng Mrt Station (Missed the bus-stop to take bus 13)
6.45pm: Took bus 13 (Talk about my girlfriend)
7.00pm: Reached Junction 8
7.15pm: Had early dinner at McDonald's
7.45pm: Took bus 410 (Met Fahrurazi's dad)
8.00pm: Reached home
8.05om: Reached the Street Soccer Court (Samir and Azfar was there)
10.30pm: Bought drinks at 7-11..
10.45pm: Reached home

how cld you...

gawd.. wat a bitch..
after everything..
u cld just leave..
leave in a mean way..
no kind words at all..
even if he had done the stupidest meanest mistake ever
u still had the heart to bastard him that way
gawd..
to tink that i had a good impression
thinking tt you're so good, such a nice girl..
i'm amazed at how well you held on to that ugly mask
u wanted to destroy every one of them
all those words..
sweetest person, "bestest"
you are such a bitch..
no wonder ur relationships nv lasted! hah!
oh oh!! i wish they nv will!!!
you bitch.

oh not to mention..
some mothers haven repented yet
i cldnt believe they actually went clubbing wid there own kids?!
like wtf?!
how old are you?
did your religion ever encourage this attitude?
gawd.. such a disgrace to the malay community..
not to mention the muslim society..
the scumbags..
hope all u freaks die early and not disgrace the rest of the malays
its such a pain in the ass
that the rest of the community haf to tolerate all your stupid nonsense
that the small minority of singaporean malays have to work hard
just to eliminate the shame put on us
because some pathetic bozo nincompoops decided to enjoy their so called 'youth'
by breaking laws and thinking that smoking, drinking and burning ur lungs up is cool..
maybe u people wld fit better in malaysia or indonesia or smth..
just leave the rest of us alone!!! assholes.. hmph..
i am ashamed to be a malay. PERIOD.

a pretty pretty house..

candy covered.. sweet..
just beautiful...
this cosy house standing in the middle of an urban jungle
looking like the candy house from hansel and gretel
stories abt a mean old witch who eats children
just plain stories
the mere existence of this humble building
stands out amongst the dull greyness of the sky scrapers
such beauty radiating from it
such a sense of innocence..

author's note:
the house is representing an innocent young kid.. barely old enough to understand the world.. the urban jungle is refering to all the youths and adults who are more matured and are able to understand the world more. the existence of this kid among the many people casting their shadows on him explains the power exercised by the stronger, more able people.. only few would be able to stand out.. like the kid..

silence..

desolate, bleak, silent, dark
empty victorian houses lay unoccupied for centuries
a lone being pads the dusty cobbled stones
searching for a sign
of any living, breathing thing
the very existence of his soul
seems to bring light shining thru
every step he takes
seems to ignite the whole town
bursting each stone path into a brief spark
every silent step he took
shuffling his feet down the path
seems to bring laughter and merriment
glowing wid warmth, shivering by the cold
he continues his search
relentlessly peering into windows
searching, finding, wondering
wat happened to this place
abandoned for decades
hidden by the fogs
unknown to anyone alive
except him
with thoughts running thru his mind
occupied with the task at hand
his feet found some form of evidence
of existence
a bone
a large bone
could be a human bone
as his ice cold fingers touched the surface of the bone
a sudden eerie silence creeped up to him
seeping straight into his bones
threathening him to scream and run in fear
but he held on..
he held on to the bone
and continued walking to the thick fog
and never looked back..

to my baby..

i want you to hear my voice
my need to express my regrets
a shadow of the past
i picked it up and retraced my footsteps
but as i go along
doin the same tings i used to
i left something behind for u
something which i dint bring along
entrusted you with my heart for safekeeping
for i know that i may lose it
to someone else i'd regret being with
sacrificing you for him
for friendship, for a fren in need
this i wld nv tink of
and all this talk abt them
is taking on our nerves and emotions
cos pity we haf on their side
anger and worry between us
there is no need to feel sympathy anymore
me trying to help
wld juz be another barrier again
i'd probably end up in worse trouble
but sympathy i cannot help it
i juz feel so sorry for him
but darling dear..
this doesnt mean i still harbor all those tots i used to
when i was 15
i'm all yours now..
its juz help i wanna give
not sacrifice
and moreover
i may not be welcomed at all
i've learnt my lesson dear..
yes i haf..
and i love you..
dun worry..

My First Prose

The circle's falling apart
Into a thunderstorm
Carried by the strong gust of air
Pushing each and one of them deeper and deeper
Often lightning passing from one cloud to another
Sometimes striking powerfully onto their hearts
separating the best of their memories
Over the wasted years they had
Crying, screaming and now regretting
Blaming the very serious lack of love
Now that is a lie
Blame me
For I am the one who is supposed to bring joy
Great happiness that allows smiles to be planted

So now I'm falling to my knees
His forgiveness I begged for
Let the holy son be
The family doctor

valentine's day

trudging my feet along the corridor
waiting for this endless struggle up the stairs to end
torturous laziness overwhelming my every nerve
but in all this wilderness of my insensibility
a spark ignited my brain
and almost set my heart on fire
the thought of seeing him today
rite after skol
set my mind chasing butterflies
the anticipation of holding his hands in mine
boasting his pearly white teeth and charming smile
tt constantly draws my attention away from my books
ah.. juz the tot of them makes my heart melt
i will see him.. soon
oh i juz cant wait to see him.....

my first rose..

crimson red
in full bloom
perfect in shape, velvety to the touch
a rare jewel, every girl's expectation
envy at seeing another own it
she stands wid her bare hands
wishing she'd receive it this yr
hoping dreaming of it so hard
only one is all she tinks abt
only one is enough
but disappointment oways seem to befall
no one ever seem to tink she deserves one
she refuse to ask
she desperately wans to earn it
one red rose is all she hoped for
is it too much to ask?
until today
when she finally got it
even thou she told him dere's no nd at all
and overwhelmed she was
only one was in her eyes
a beautiful red rose
she'd been hoping for so long
such beauty it holds
it may not last forever
soon it'll wilt and die
but the thought of it
the memory of its beauty wld nv be forgotten
especially the one who gave it to me
i hope i deserved it :)
tanks baby.. u're the first.. love you..

dedicated to Peanut

there he is
my heart thumping
stood rooted to the ground
my jaw gaping
he's walking to me
such a sweet glow
emitted from his smile
such radiance produced
from his presence
comforting pleasant insufficient
wanting more of it everyday
needing it every hour
such addiction suffocating strangling
the tingling feeling
the jolt i feel
everytime he stares at me
melting my body
threathening to steal my soul
capturing my breath encasing it in a metal container
never to be let out again
trapped in his death smile
lost in his golden words
smouldered in his burning passion
he called me his
forever
he owns me
controlling me from my core
held by the leash
unable to be free
i fell in love wid him
but i cld nv call him mine..

this is wat i'll do more often..

happy valentine's day

heart wrenching
save me somebody
the sight of them
urgh the jealousy
all welled up inside
i refuse to admit
my envy for them
rejected lonely single
on valentine's day
why am i tortured like this
life is so unjust
memories of that special someone
who left me long ago
hurt all bruised scarred
the pain tt peirced thru me
hid my eyes
welled up wid tears at the tot
my past ugliness tarnished
he'd never return
cos here's where he stand now
wid his new love
in front of my eyes unashamed
all lovey dovey and ignorant
of my presence and existence
gorgeous pretty sexy female
who stole him from me
shunned and ashamed of their presence
i stood in silence
staring at the blank wall
wishing i was trapped and hidden
in a cage where no one wld find me
where i cld scream out
and no one wld care
the searing pain
gashing my throat, my heart
burning wid heat and anger
silence dear patience
revenge is sweet
patience

to be continued......

i'm bored again...

screaming my lungs out
trying hard struggling to crawl from this trap
no one's here with me
no light shining near me
nothing alive anywhere
except me
self all alone
existing in this perfect world
need to love
need shelter
my heart's bleak
desolated
i need to break free...

attempt at short proses

u dumped me
u left me
seared by the burning scar
u left on my heart
tell me now
before i leave
the reason y it began
y it had to end
we promised it'd be forever
y r u so still
y arent u responding
is it bcos u hate me
my knife, stained by ur blood
a hole in ur heart
and it left a physical bruise
juz like how u hurt me
just tt this time
urs will nv heal
u left me
dead.

i feel so much more matured..

after the talk we had today..
abt how our relationship had been goin..
it felt refreshing..
i felt good abt it
at least we both now how we feel
we're more matured now
we're so much more open
i've been waiting for someone worth opening up to
abt a real relationship
someone mature enough
someone understanding enough
and most importantly
someone who loves me enough
for so long
and finally
i found him
so thankful
it feels good to feel worthy
of at least something
to feel treasured
he may not be rich
in wealth and gold
but at least he's rich
in his emotions
and intellect
ah.... my charming bf..
it was a real good talk
just about us
reflecting on our actions and behaviours
over our past months together
it felt good
to haf realised that
we are at the stage where
finally we've had enough of everything
and we just want to be us
rediscover ourselves
rediscover each others life
more indepth
i'm not talking abt sexual behaviours
not about passion
but more abt our personality
more abt our own social circle and social bonds
another stepping stone for us
a new challenge in our lives
i hope we make it thru
together
i hope tt neither of us
is left behind in that long tunnel of journey
we're abt to undertake
i just hope that none of us
falls behind and emerge alone into the light
u wont lose me k baby..
even after all these.. and more..
i wont leave u..
i wont want to..
so dun worry... ;)

i'm juz so damn bored........

boredom is killing me............. wanna do smth.. wanna study.. but juz sooooo lazzyyy........... its true wat mr isaac lim said.. laziness is poisonous.. anyways.. wanna crack my brain a little.. and see wat i can come up wid rite now..

the life of a teen
had oways been abt growing up
a nerd a geek
a social bubble a funky clique
kids are grouped
the unwanteds are chucked aside
labelled the weirdos
ostracised from the others
becos they r different
be it dressing
be it speech
may even be looks
popularity rankings
the prettiest catwalks the corridors
struts off her nobility
the good looking flirts
knowing he's every girl's dream
they show off wat they haf
becos others dun haf them
when nerds, geeks
struts they brains on catwalks
the stupidest gawks in awe
these
are the future leaders
these are the people who determine their lives
who run the industry
who safekeep their popularity
so who are we to label them
when everyone is the same as the other
they may not haf wat we haf
they may not wan wat we wan
its easier said
that these kids are not to be mixed wid
its easier said that these kids are useless brats
but life wld nv be easier if these kids are not ard
these kids who grow up
problematic
rebellious
wrong in their own way
they help us
be who we are today..
all those treasured tings we haf
handphones, computers
they are not made by the prettiest girl in skol
they are not thought off by the most good looking boy
the magnificent creativity
is created by the neurons of these unwanted kids..
kids whom we outcast
kids who we hate and shunned..
so here i am
trying to express my worries
abt minahs and mats
and kids who are from ites and so on..
they are not problematic
they are perfectly fine in the head
its juz their own fault
they turn out that way
if they dun like to be labelled
dun wan to be shunned by society
den all i can ask of them
is to step out of that fantasy zone
that geeks, nerds and watever others
gave you that fantasy to hide in
fantasy wld only become reality when u've struck the jackpot
waiting for u at the end of the long journey..

Part two. Second time. Hmmm. Do you know music is said to be the speech of angels. Anyways, the post below is Khad's. Half of the time I don't even know what she's talking. Gosh. Haha. Love you. 

scramblings of my heart

goodbyes are not heard off..
last wishes are not within hearing..
u drifted off
leaving me here all alone
hanging from the thin coil u wound around my waist
where once
u wound ur arm tightly
not letting me out of reach
onceu hugged me u kissed me
u promised me i'd be urs forever
and u'll be mine for eternity
but u left
empty promises
whispers in the dry wind
husky voices haunting
repeating every word
echoing the presence of untouched memories
hidden away deep in the abyss
where now i cowered
afraid of the light
where i fell thru
i'd been hoping
i'd been wishing
that somehow one day
u'll come backto me
and be mine for the rest of my life
but i juz cant ignore
this painful tugging at the back of my mind
that i know
u'd never ever turn back
that my wish wld never ever come true
and it hurts so much
when the tugging gets stronger
everydayso much more unbearable
it hurts juz so bad......


i know i hadnt been perfect
we're made to make mistakes
we're created to learn
call me a bitch
juz cos i talk too much
call me a slut
cos i flirt wid others in ur presence
our actions
are not defined by words
by degrees of extremes
flirting excessively u may say
but the meaning
is easily defined
in the oxford dictionary
but the question is..
is that reali wat i'm doin?
words.. juz words..
floating in the air
carried by the wind
we're satisfied
juz hearing wat we want to hear
from the others..
i love you
is much easily expressed
but do u reali?
do u reali reali love me?


this is juz a thought expressed from me.. its got nth to do wid anyone.. if it does, den i apologise for the reality it comes wid..

yay!!! new skin!!!

yay yay yay yay!!!!!!!
new skin...............................!!!
u may tink i'm mad being so happy abt this..
but its becos both of us worked on it together!!!!!
nice........................
feeling extremely satisfied wid the outcome of our hardwork..
slept at 3 am last nite juz to do this!!!
hehehehehe.. both of us were so shagged la..
heh.. not bad wat.. we did all this from scratch..
yeah!!!!
watever la khad...
hehehehe..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. insane over Mr Shalih.. the peanut head.. hehehehehehe...
.

i'm bored......

its a sunday...
and my homeworks are still untouched..
too lazy...
feel so slack..
oh!! lets talk abt yst's jamming session..

did some research on the net abt my voice prob..
seems like i misused it..
cld be due to all the screamings i did during npcc..
well.. i hope singing more wld help..
yst's jamming was good..
my voice was much much better..
i cld reach the high notes too!!! so proud of myself..
tanks to all the support the band gave..
emil, jonathan, keng han and ivan..
u guys rock..
we're a great band.. juz inexperienced i guess..
all nv performed be4 except jon..
they helped me get rid of the nasal in my voice
and helped me reach the higher notes too!!!
hehehehe..
juz so proud of myself..
anyways.. come monday, got audition again..
i'm gonna sing better dis time..
yup yup!!
arh darn... i'm juz so slack to do hw..
but wat to do..........
gotta go drag my feet..
to my books...
chiao...

wat a day................. i sooo cannot stand my voice!!!!!

basket..
i knew it..
we SHOULD HAF practiced..
yesterday, today, the previous week..
audition was today..
we almost blew it..
juz shit..
damn pissed wid myself..
was supposed to practice during break today..
but some bastard classmate of mine..
juz had to SHOOT us back..
"wats the classroom for? to study rite? how to study wid all these noise"
basket.. wan to kena whack ah..
luckily he's my good fren..
cannot scold back also ma..
shit him ah..
so dere goes our "jamming session"
no practice at all!!!
den audition..
jonathan peh seng wee was in a freaking bad mood..
for the whole freaking day.. and reason?
bcos the other classmate scolded him..
like in front of everyone else..
which i tink was extremely rude..
dere goes our drummer..
den the stupid instruments all sound weird..
and i was so freaking nervous..
my first time singing in front of a live audience..
clogged up my throat while singing..
and dere goes the singer too..
basket.. damn pissed wid myself..
cld actually hear how horrid i sounded..
i'm such a horrible being!!!! i wanted to sing so well so badly.........
guess i need to do better..
i'm juz soooooo pissed wid myself.......................
why the hell does my voice sound so nasal??!!!!
basket.. i had better find a way to speak and sing properly man......
before next rehearsal starts..
i hope we make it thru.........
we better make it thru.........

Put On Hold.

He sat on his chair quietly, staring blankly at the empty mug on his desk, thinking about the regrettable things that have happened the other night.

He couldn’t believe that he made her frustrated over him on the phone. Well, she should be because he was terribly impatient and rude. He tried to gamble that she’ll call him back after she’s done with her second incoming call. He gave an idiotic excuse that his hand was tired but actually he was sleepy and tired. He just wanted to take a teeny weenie little nap while she was talking with her other friend but it turn out to be a very humongous mistake. He wanted to apologize to her but he knew if he did that, he won’t be getting any forgiveness from her because sorry is just a word to her.

Hey, mistakes do happen and nobody’s perfect but the thing is that he can be. Well at least for her. He can be if he chooses to. He can be.

What he would do is to try his best not to commit the same stupid mistakes again. He’s pretty sure that it won’t happen again because having her to be happy in his arm is what he really wants. He shouldn’t be selfish also. He must know that she comes first before himself because without her, he’s nothing.

There are good times and bad times in every relationship. What couples really got to do is to learn. He learns! He learns every single day. Learns to understand her and to love her. What she likes and dislikes. That is the best part he likes the most in the relationship. He loves her and that is the most important thing

As he thought to himself that, he looked right at outside his window and all he could see are nothing but unlighted apartments. He guessed that he should go tuck in like everyone else. Happy Chinese New Year.

This sucks. Bleargh. Can't think of anything to draw. 

This Right Here Is My Thanggg

I should be doing this while I wait fer muhhh results in March instead of layin' muhhh lazy ass around in da house.. Drawin' fer peeps.. Yeah.. I mean why the hell not? I love to draw.. Drawin' is muhhh life and I love to make people happy too.. Look at the number of drawings I've been postin'.. Seems unlimited don't it? Go ahead, ask me to draw fer ya and maybe I will.. If not, then just give me some inspiration and ideas, but let me tell you this now, baby, that I’ll go by mood.. I’ll draw very well if I’m in a good mood and vice versa.. Therefore, don’t keep on tellin' me or reassurin' me that muhhh drawings are nice if I said it isn’t so ‘cause no one knows muhhh work except me..

..and maybe Miss Quek, my art teacher.. Haha..

 

Fer muhhh good friend Meeech.