i've made up my mind..

after being unsatisfied with the courses offered at in NUS..
i've decided..
i'm not goin to the faculty of chemistry at NUS..
neither am i goin to any faculty there..
i've decided.. and thought over it lately..
i'm going to Nanyang Poly..
to take a 3-yr diploma course in Physiotherapy..
yup..
tts it..
its either speech therapy or being a radiologist..
but i decided i cant live without being around people..
i need to be with people..
not in the laboratory doing research for the rest of my life..
its surprising that no university in singapore offers a degree in physiotherapy..
the only universities are in UK and Australia..
i dont want to go to Australia..
i just dont like it there... too much singaporeans maybe..
UK sounds better..
but its 3 yrs down the road..
hopefully i make it..
no no.. i'll definitely make it there..
DEFINITELY..
yup.. ;P
wish me luck on my journey...





so my baby needs to break free..
i'm feeling the strain too
draining my resources..
i'm not even doing my homeworks properly
sigh....
so much for a'levels..
he's having fun
with his cousins, families and relatives..
thats good to hear.. at least he's not rotting at home..
i'm feeling neglected
feeling weird cramps lately
could be due to that period of the month
feeling neglected, rejected, useless, lazy...
extremely plain lazy..
and spendthrift..
i hate myself..
grrr....
guess i need to break free too...
i know i shouldnt feel this way
when he tries constantly to keep in touch with me
even when his prepaid is low..
i know.. i understand..
but i cant help feeling all these..
i'm just human..
u cant help feeling angry even though u know u shouldnt be..
maybe i need to get back in touch with my real self..
with that old personal khad that was so loud and outspoken
and so patient and understanding.
i'm losing my temper over my own stupid mistakes all the time
but i'm slowly accomplishing smth
slowly...
i have not even started my revision for my mid-yrs..
sigh.....
yeah..............
i tink i need a break from all these..
from relationships and school work
and get back in touch with ME..
i'll talk to u abt all these things baby..
dont worry... we juz dun haf the time to talk abt this now..
tml maybe..
hopefully...

Playyy

One of the coolest fash animation I've ever seen.. Click here..

Pray For A Better Game Of Life

Cigarettes

Clubs

Drugs

Fashion

Gangs

Peircings

Sex

Tattoos

These are the things some teenagers get involve with..

We cannot just watch and comment about their life and their morally wrong behaviors behind their backs knowing that your own life is also being watched and commented as well.. No one is perfect, therefore who knows maybe you have already joined the club.. Quit wasting time by being pitiless and start thinking about improving yourself.. Step up for once.. Watch your ibadah and strengthen your iman.. Do something about your weaknesses.. You are at this stage, at this age where your mind can be easily possessed to do sinful acts and behaviours.. It's all about the survival of the fittest.. So constantly remember your creator up there and pray for a better game of life..

these beautiful moments............

closing my eyes
trying to sleep
waves of memories washed over me
seeing tt sum1 again n again
nv failing to make me smile n laugh
i dun ever wan to say gd bye

not even gd nite
cos i wan these beautiful moments wid u
to last forever n ever n ever
i love u

The Night Was Dull

The night was dull..

No brightness..

No alertness..

Very quiet..

Lack of excitments..

Layouts discussed..

Cartoons drawed..

HTMLs fixed..

We ignored the sleeping pills

and spent the entire night

just by creating a new template for our blog..

Yeah

and this is what we got..

A cool self-made blog..

Nike and terri..

boycott Nike

-should visit this webbie.. http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/5232/

-Nike exploits human rights

-Did you know that the price of a pair of Nike shoes is 100X more than the wages paid to the people who made them?

like... wtf?

oh... and about terri schindler-schiavo..
read all abt her here-http://abstractappeal.com/schiavo/infopage.html
the lady who is surviving on life support and is totally brain-dead..
and her situation is causing the whole world to cry out..
there are two sides..
1: those who thinks she should stop living on life-support since she IS already brain-dead..
unable to think or even interact at all.
2: those who is too much in sympathy with her situation and is too soft-hearted to let her pass on peacefully and would just not accept her dying. They still want her on life-support and being fed through tubes.

this is my opinion..

PLEASE.................... her husband already said. she doesnt want to be fed through tubes.
she IS already BRAIN-DEAD. she is still very much alive. but even so? there is NO WAY of reviving her back. seriously.. on a more compassionate tone, please just let her pass on. This is too much of a suffering for her to bear isnt it? on a more economically inclined tone, what is the point of wasting resources on her? when there may be others who are in need too. There is no way of reviving her. for goodness sake.. she could be suffocating in pain underneath all that immobility in her features. please spare her.. let her pass on..
may she rest in peace.


to all those who just refuse to let go:
dont be selfish.
the pain of seeing a loved one pass away may be difficult to bear,
but thats all of what SACRIFICE mean doesnt it?
it shld hurt us more to see them suffer silently in pain
then for them to let go of that painful burden forever..

Fuuu

eh.. i tell you hor.. please confirm that i will stand beside you for a beri beri long time one you know.. cry only the happy happy tears hor.. maybe ah, i will make mistakes one ah, but ah, i will neber ever ever break your heart one you know.. i will stand beside you like a shadow one.. don't worry, k? for better or for worse.. till we die also can.. no, no.. till death do us part ah? ya, ya.. i will love you with every beat of my heart ah.. da dum, da dum.. hahahaha.. ahem...... i will give you everything i can one.. that one also don't worry, k? i will build your dreams with these three hands.. eh? 1, 2...... two hands, sorry.. we'll hang some memories here and there at the walls.. must use strong nails, k? sometimes beri heavy mah.. when you starting to get white hair hor, means you old lah confirm, but hor, i will still care for you know.. as time go tick tock tick tock tick tock, my love won't grow old at all.. si bei suai hor? fewitt.. eh you! what stare, stare.. want fight ah??

i love him...

i love you..
i love him..
i love my family..
i love shalih..
shalih IS my family..
and my life..
and my time..
and he means everything to me..
so those gugu heads out there..
who tinks u can steal shalih away from me,
tink again..
and if u tink u can steal ME away from him,
u muz be mad..
because............................
i dun wan to leave him.. ever..
even if he's crippled, wounded, watever..
i wont..
i refuse..
try if u muz, but y waste ur efforts?
when u're nowhere as good as he is?

Dislocation: Part 1

I am now typing with one hand because my left hand is busted.. It all started down on the soccer pitch at Yishun.. I was having a wonderful time playing when suddenly a player from the opposition tried to lob the soccer ball over me as I was out of my line.. When the ball was just over my head I just leaped through the air and slapped it away from my goalpost and when I landed, I felt my elbow bending the opposite way.. It felt like an ice sliding through an open wound and it was too cold that I kept kicking my legs, wishing the sudden terrible pain would stop.. I screamed facing downwards on the floor.. The next thing I knew was that everyone was surrounding me.. I was paying full attention to the pain.. Can hardly hear people saying, "dislocated, dislocated.." I tried hard joining back my elbow because I didn't wanna make my girl so worried.. It was a failed attempt anyway.. I could get up but the pain was forcing me to stay down.. My girl came along and I just had to smile, being strong leaving my pain behind for a moment.. She grasped my right hand, trying to make me feel stronger.. I turned myself around facing upwards.. I could only felt two things hitherto, the pain and her touch on my face.. The ambulance did arrive a few minutes later.. That was pretty surprising to me.. The medics were like checking my arm and asking me to inhale the gas reliever if I feel any pain.. Well, I missed them saying that, so I was like inhaling and inhaling.. Then one of the medics shouted, "Boy, only if you feel pain, then you inhale or else you'll be unconscious!" I was like okay.......... I took out the gas mask and felt high afterwards.. Hah..

an eye opener..

had a chat wid shalih's second sister, kak kamariah, yst while waiting for him..
we were discussing abt the differences between students from jc and poly..
and wat she said reali made me understand more..

students from Jcs are not necessarily smarter..
they are those who haf a goal to achieve..
those who are pursuing an interest,
sure of their future..
whereas...............
students from polytechnics..
are those who are easy-going, go with the flow..
they are those who wans to enjoy life and yet still take their time to achieve..
but this does not mean that they are stupid..
slack or even lazy..
there are students who go to universities wid a diploma..
n they do achieve wat they wan too..

so all these nonsense abt students from jcs being smarter or nerds or watever..
is so not true..
who says there are no nerds in polytechnics?
and who says that students in polytechnics are not as smart as jc students??
abolish all these stupid and childish stereotype labelling..
all bullshit..

he got injured............................

sigh........ he made me so worried..............................
while playing soccer yst, he made a dive for the ball...
and had a reali reali bad landing which cost him his elbow..
luckily its juz a dislocation.. and on his left arm..
if it had happened on his right, i doubt he can tahan not drawing anything for a long time..
close.. it was freaking close..
when i saw it happened, my heart skipped several beats..
gawd i was so worried..
rakesh was trying to assure me..
dat he'd be fine.. he's a strong man..
hahaha.. how was i suppose to be cool abt it when he's lying motionless on the field??
grrr... damn worried..
packed his tings and straight away tok a cab down to ttsh.
asked the driver to hurry hurry hurry...
the journey was so long k.. from yishun to ttsh..
all the way my heart was thumping so hard ah..
so worried.. even the driver kept looking at me to see if i'm ok..
reached ttsh ard 2 plus..
had to wait sooooo loonnnggggggg..................................
he was only released ard 6 plus..
gawd.. imagine the torture i had to go thru..
juz to see if he's okie..
sigh.......
i even skipped my breakfast and lunch altogether..
grrrr..............
the sisters also came down..
den all of us went back to his hse...
hope his arm will be ok soon..
no more soccer for a mth..
sigh...........................................................
he'll be ok...
yeah..

grrr........... bored bored bored....

stay away from ME!!!!!!!!!
gggrrrr........... dont u even dare say a word U DESPICABLE INHUMAN THING.
I H. A. T. E. YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
get that right u freaking imbecile, nutcracker@!#!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok ok.. i'm juz raving madly..
at this ting called "B.O.R.E.D.O.M"
its infectious!!! no one shld get infected wid it!!!
it DESTROYS LIVES!!!!! PLEASE!!!!
i beg of yoouuu......................................................................................
STTAAAYYYY AWWAAAYYYY FRROOOMMMM ........................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!B.O.R.E.D.O.M.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



ok somebody shoot me..
i've been infected..
see wat its doin to my brain..
mush.. my BRAIN HAS BEEN TURNED INTO MUUSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gawd..

my turmoil of thots..

set me free
i wanna dream
i wanna break these chains
tugging at my life reins
tearing me apart
digging at my conscious
a wise old man once told me
love is the answer to all ur questions
seek it and u'll be free
free of ur worries, problems.
but theres a price to pay.

the journey of a lifetime
the search for life experiences
the lessons to be learnt
i found love
i treasured it, loved it,
it freed me..
but when i lost it..
it destroyed me
addicted to it, i kept hunting for it
searching for it, pleading it to return to me.
but it nv did..
lost without it, blinded and confused..
i went astray
dazed, deluded in my hallucinations
love had oways been dere for me..
i juz did not understand it..
n when it went against me
i was stranded. hatred n disbelief
full of mistrust.. love brought me pain..
this is the price to pay.
love is full of challenges..
no one said love was all there is to life
no one said love is forever sweet...
not even the wise old man..
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
may our lives be full of challenges
n wid each n every obstacle, may we grow n learn from it
to understand, to appreciate others and ourselves, to trust..

If I could just........

Hey ya.. Don't be upset if I'm rotting at home.. Well, I am actually.. I got absolutely nothing to do inside this freaking crib of mine.. Listening to my silly nephew laughing to himself while playing with the playstation.. I know he just wanna grab my attention and hope I would settle down beside him, either to watch him play or to play with him.. I know because I used to do that.. Heck, I even cut my wrist with a kitchen knife just to get my dad's attention when I was five.. By the way, my dad's gone overseas to Surabaya for 3 weeks.. "Business trip", I guess.. So it's like I'm home alone from 1pm to 11.30pm at the moment..

Like what Khad said, we watched ROBOTS *laughs* the other day.. Don't think it's a childish show.. Heck, you guys shouldn't think that at all.. It's suitable for all ages, aite?

Hmmm.. About my JAE.. Although I've put a Temasek Poly course for my first choice, I just hope the Government doesn't choose that for me.. Heh.. Damn far lah.. Well it's not a problem if I have a discman.. Songs to listen to on the bus.. Yeah.. Hehe..

Arghhh.. My nephew's still laughing at himself lahhh.. Ah! *surprised* There's a ducktape near by.. If I could just........

grrr..... so many days without anything to post..
the blog's getting stagnant..
finally.. an update..

we watched Robot/robots (not sure abt the 's') yesterday!!!!!
YAY YAY YAY!!!! the show was damn funny!!!!!!!!!!
hehehehe... laugh n laugh n laugh..
okie........ u peeps muz be thinking tt its a rather kiddish n childish show for 17 yr olds to watch..
but it reali is worth ur money ah...
dint regret watching it a single bit!!!!
weeee..................................... ;)
i'm all smiles after the show...
heheheh... *beaming*









its been days since the liquor incident..
we're trying hard to forget all abt it..
to forgive and to forget..
we tried!!! i tried too!!!
but hatred... revenge.. anger...
juz refuse to let go..
full of disbelief..
thinking abt it again n again..
the incident repeating itself again n again
regretting on our mistakes..
on wat we shld haf done and wat we shld not haf
neighbours, bestfrens, childhood frens
it only takes a small mistake
to destroy everything
blame it on the gf for making it worse
for confronting the assholes
juz to protect the bf
mothers, fathers, siblings
everyone knows..
soon... everyone will feel it too..
hate, anger, revenge..
ignorance...
they tink ignoring it all will save their self-esteem..
will save their already gone moral values
ignorance..
such a pity pp like them chose to be at the peak of their stupidity
it is such a huge pity..







holidays.................. great...
break from studies..
oh!! n tanks to jonathan peh..
for giving me an opportunity to join ur band..
it is an honour.. i hope i deserve it..
n i hope i wont let u guys down to make it to the HMV top charts..
holiday homeworks are juz waiting to be done..
revision revision revision..
till later..

dint do this..

went thru a hell of a time this past few weeks..
dint get to surprise everyone wid my mother tongue results.
hahaha.. khad got an A2 for her a-level malay!!! goodness...
after failing again and again in all my tests and exams..
but den again.. my spoken malay sucks.. i juz got a pass..
hahahaha.. not surprised there.. yeah.. was so freaked out when i got it..
tank goodness i dun haf to repeat!!! yay..... malay's over and done with for me!!!
;P i'm all smiles..

march holiday's coming..
looking forward to having a good time..
wid my baby, my girl pals, n my classmates..
to nicole: i miss u sista!!!!!!!!! wat telah happen to u?? nv chat wid me so long!!!! wanna meet up and go catch up on old times yea!!
to joyce n shu jing: wah lau..................... we exist in the same skol.. we breathe the same air and YET!!! we dun even see each other most of the time!!!!!!! wahahahaha.. will go shopping wid u joyce woman!!!






wat a disappointment........... again?
i dun see wats the point u returning us ur birthday present..
r u too cowardly to throw it away urself?
no heart to burn it or even sell it away?
we were so sincere when we gave it to u........
twice.
juz to have it returned back to us.....................
we reali wanted u to have it..
we wldnt haf spent our money on it if u dint deserve it..
sigh............
dis is reali heartbreaking...
disappointing...
but wat can we do...
we've been rejected.. again...
again.. again.. again..


is it right to feel guilty, pity or even sympathy? for someone who had juz destroyed ur friendship?
is it even worth it?

A pretty pretty house (Illustrated)

how could you betray him...

lies...... all you know is lies...........
we trusted you!!! no.. not we..
shalih.. he loved you like a brother..
and this is wat he received eh??
oh................... "special coke"
yeah rite Mr "Chief" Mr Fahrurazi..
if u wanna drink..
u wanna get high..
u wanna go to hell...
by all means GO... dun drag others also..

how cld u MAKE him drink LIQUOR??
u know we cant..
u know its a sin..
and u still do it..
do u know wat is TRUST?!
hahaha.. i take it u OBVIOUSLY DONT..
imbecile immoral animal..
u threw vulgarities at me once..
u nv apologised.. i forgave you..
yea.. u threw vulgarities at a girl..
because of another girl who have now dumped you!!!
gawd u SO DESERVE it..
u betrayed the trusts of pp who loved you..
the pp whom u trust so much.. like the girl also..
dont ever trust you and they betrayed you!!!
have we ever betrayed you?
YOU betrayed ME!!! like how many TIMES??
NOW YOU BETRAYED YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND..
how cld u make shalih drink that foul liquid?
u wan him to be like you?!
god bless me.. OVER MY DEAD BODY..
all you can say is SORRY!!!!
WAT DOES SAYING SORRY BRING YOU TO?
a passport to heaven?
that we wld forgive you??
now now.. u may be wondering why i'm the one screaming at you..
oh oh!! not only you.. firdaus also..
frens who juz sit around and laugh when u fall..
frens who dun care at all..
fir fir.. i wldnt mind laughing at him when he falls down one day..
like how he just cannot be bothered about everyone else except HIMSELF.

u hurt shalih. u hurt ME.
shalih may not retaliate. BUT I WILL.
u dun know how hurt he is.. U ONLY CARE ABT YOURSELF..
oh oh!!! YOUR GIRLFRIEND JUST DUMPED YOU!!!
and because of that you can kill yourself..
WELL!!! i"M NOT CARING EITHER!! BECAUSE NOW I"M AGAINST YOU!!!
we cared too much................. too much razi..
and we've always wanted you to be back to your old self..
to be the friendly nice person whom we used to know..
to be that guy i used to fall in love with..
because last time.. u were so trustworthy..
apparently now all you care abt is your new frens..
you forgot all abt the frens that still love you..
that haf oways wanted to know wat u're doin, how u're feeling..
BUT U WERE TOO BLIND TO SEE ALL THAT..
u missed it all razi..............
even if u haf changed, u changed for the worst.
and your birthday?
how did u celebrate it?
by clubbing? by drinking?
i hoped u did enjoy ur birthday celebration..
to tink that we took the effort to be the first people to wish you..
and this is how u repay us..
thanks........................................................................................................................................................
thanks for everything...............................................................................................................

i dunno why we love you so much..
but we do..
unfortunately u dun love us that way...
how unfortunate you chose to make this happen.....................................................

if u're against this, pls do approach ME. AND I MEAN ME. not shalih.
BECAUSE I"M THE ONE WRITING THIS POST.

numbed..

i juz want to drop dead now..
and stop thinking, stop breathing, stop wondering..
wat happened to my self confidence?
wat happened to my morale?
wat happened to my inner peace that i uphold so much?
wat happened to me??

me


me



me




me





me.....






wat happened to me?

how i wish i'd never been his..

i grew up on my own.. without him.. i rarely asked for anything..
cos i knew he'd nv ever grant my wishes..
i grew up not knowing the true nature of his behaviours..
my sister nv knew his love..
i was fortunate enuf to be the favourite one..
to be the one showered wid his love
to be the one he named

but why is it that now
that i'm much older
its juz so hard to speak out my mind to him
he dont see me grow up
he doesnt show any affection to me as a daughter
he doesnt know anything abt my life, wat i do, where i go, who my frens are.
or even my problems.
i used to rmb.. how everytime he visits me in skol, i'd run to hug him..
i love his big warm belly where i wld bury my face in and he wld smell of fried chicken
till the day when he introduce to me my new mother..
a liar, an imposter, a theif. she stole my father away from me.
and a new addition to their family..
my half sister..
she wans me to love her mother the way she loves her mum.
she doesnt understand y i call her auntie and not mother.
she knows we are not real sisters.
she knows everything but she is juz too young to understand.
somehow...
i juz dun understand y he muz haf another wife.
isnt one enuf?
isnt 4 kids enuf?
guess i'm still too young to understand..
he refused to pay for my education
he refused to pay for my jc education.
its only after quarreling that he finally gave in..
if u cant afford to pay for ur first children, den y haf more?
i study hard, so that he'd be proud of me.
so that my mum wld be proud of me.
but y cant he even help me by paying a little for it?
he doesnt even love me, y cant he even carry out his responsibilities as a father?
wat kind of father is this?
i'd would rather be without a father, den haf one who dun care at all abt me,
how i wish so hard at times, dat i can juz escape this trap i've been in all my life.
it is just so hard for him to even give me my allowance...............
its not that he cant..
he REFUSE to give me my money...

i hate you.. i so very much hate you..
y cant i be fatherless for the rest of my life?