how i wish i'd never been his..

i grew up on my own.. without him.. i rarely asked for anything..
cos i knew he'd nv ever grant my wishes..
i grew up not knowing the true nature of his behaviours..
my sister nv knew his love..
i was fortunate enuf to be the favourite one..
to be the one showered wid his love
to be the one he named

but why is it that now
that i'm much older
its juz so hard to speak out my mind to him
he dont see me grow up
he doesnt show any affection to me as a daughter
he doesnt know anything abt my life, wat i do, where i go, who my frens are.
or even my problems.
i used to rmb.. how everytime he visits me in skol, i'd run to hug him..
i love his big warm belly where i wld bury my face in and he wld smell of fried chicken
till the day when he introduce to me my new mother..
a liar, an imposter, a theif. she stole my father away from me.
and a new addition to their family..
my half sister..
she wans me to love her mother the way she loves her mum.
she doesnt understand y i call her auntie and not mother.
she knows we are not real sisters.
she knows everything but she is juz too young to understand.
somehow...
i juz dun understand y he muz haf another wife.
isnt one enuf?
isnt 4 kids enuf?
guess i'm still too young to understand..
he refused to pay for my education
he refused to pay for my jc education.
its only after quarreling that he finally gave in..
if u cant afford to pay for ur first children, den y haf more?
i study hard, so that he'd be proud of me.
so that my mum wld be proud of me.
but y cant he even help me by paying a little for it?
he doesnt even love me, y cant he even carry out his responsibilities as a father?
wat kind of father is this?
i'd would rather be without a father, den haf one who dun care at all abt me,
how i wish so hard at times, dat i can juz escape this trap i've been in all my life.
it is just so hard for him to even give me my allowance...............
its not that he cant..
he REFUSE to give me my money...

i hate you.. i so very much hate you..
y cant i be fatherless for the rest of my life?