wat am i doin?!?!

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE PEOPLE!!!!!!
2005 is coming............
hehehehe..
here's wishing all of u peeps a happy new year in advance..
and may ur 2005 be a year full of happiness, well-wishes
and succcess!!!
;)






some pp r juz too clever..
example.... ME..
drank TWO cups of coffee today..
both wid double shots..
dun ask me why i did it..
i juz did..
and now..........
i cant slp..
hai...........
so addictive la..
drink one cup not enuf..
still wan another one..
wasnt even thinking straight..
feeling tired..
but cant slp..
goodness..
only crazy pp like me..
will drink two cups..
in a day..
extra strong coffee..
mad, insane, retarded, watever..














sun feels warm..
perfect weather..
ahhh.. the serenity..
pure white shores..
sparkling under the sun..
no one saw it
no one expected it
technology
wasnt able to save them
it was meant to be
warning, alarms, sirens,
wats the use..
when lives are lost
technology
wasnt able to save them
the wealthy
as they lie on the beaches and resorts
basking under the sun
swimming in their pool of wealth
caught
unaware
it was meant to be
fate u call it
there are reasons
for everything that happened
who are we..
to question the will of the almighty..
it was meant happen.
the poor
kids in villages
running ard unclothed
happily chasing chickens
playing wid dolls
discovering themselves
mothers
bustling in the kitchens
gossiping merrily abt their lives
fathers
perspiring under the sun's heat
working hard to earn a living
they too..
were not spared..
sometimes we wonder..
why the less fortunate
were treated unfairly
but in death
we all return to the same ground
everyone...
leaves one day
its juz a matter of when
there are reasons for everything that happened
some are not ours to question
a new record
in the history of mankind.
a tribute to the deaths of the tsunami tragedy..
may u all rest in peace..
to the families who've lost their loved ones..
my condolences to u..








i've been mean..
harsh words..
these past few days..
i wanna apologize..
to my baby..
haven been very nice to u..
i know u try
hard to make me happy
and be nice
and be a good bf
but u already are
dun compare who treats the other beta
dun tink that u're not good enuf
i juz wan u to rmb...
that it is the littlest tings
that make me stay
longer wid u every other day
and dont say sori..
thou u reali meant it
and do the mistake again
u haf that bad habit.
and i admit
i haf that habit
of saying tings i wont do
only to do them later..
i'll try to prove to u i wont
if u trust me..
i wan u to know that
i wont wan to go away
i wont leave ur side
unless u force me
unless i haf too..

a death.. even a kitten's.. is tragedy..

f*** la.......................................................................................
my post disappeared..
i'll smash dis computer...
freaking ting..
i've dis post disappear again..
i'll seriously go and pull out all the freaking f***ing plugs and make sure it wont work again..
argh.......
i shall repeat myself..
i hate dis..
asshole..
damn f***ing mad..
so pissed..

i'll juz cut it short..
i went down to bury my dead kitten's body..
once my mum came home..
as usual she was squirming in disgust..
gawd i juz feel like slapping her..
she's so freaking annoying..
eee here.. eee there.. haven even see the body yet..
she's jiggling and trembling wid horrification..
like a small kid..
who's nv seen a dead ting before..
tank goodness she's my mum..
i'd slap her face if she's my fren..
hmph..
anyways..
used a paper bag to scoop her up..
brought her down to the bushes near my hse..
armed wid only a small fork used for gardening..
i dug a hole up..
the digging part was easy..
the part where i put her body in was tough..
the part where i cover her up wid the soil is even harder..
she'd only been wid me for.....................
2 days?
sadness....
felt so depressed..
cant help crying when i covered her up..
tank goodness i was alone dere..
i hope no freaking animal or brainless nit-wits
wld go and open up her grave..
if i find out.. u watch out ah..
i'll haf u fed to the zoo animals..
and i'll dig out ur eye-balls wid the same fork i used to dig her grave..
and i'll do it personally..
damn it..
after covering her properly..
said my farewell..
and left..
will bring her flowers tml if i can..
i hope she's happy wherever she is now..
may she rest in peace..
oh oh!!! good bye Lili...
tts her name.. courtesy of mohammad taufik..
who named everyone of them..
the oldest kitten..
so beautiful..
she's white.. pure white.. so pretty..
but too bad she had to go..
Lili.. i love you..

my thoughts.. the rest is still unwritten......

as i lay to slp
i tot abt all those tings which made pp happy
and i soon realised
dat being happy is all abt satisfaction
the littlest tings in life
and not to ask for more den u deserve
wid tots swirling ard my head
i slept thru it
waking up wid a smile on my face
hearing the voices of my beloved ones
chattering away
busy wid their daily activities
and dere near me
5 living things slept
breathing the very air that i breathe
i looked at the bliss in their faces
satisfied, contented wid being alive
as i looked closer
i realised that there were only 4
one cldnt make it
the oldest..
she cldnt make it thru to see the joy the world has to offer..
the mother weeped silently
her eyes.. full of sorrow..
invisible tears rolling down her cheeks
so full of beauty
even in her sorrow..
the other 3 were nestling between each other
sharing the warmth and comfort of the other
they too.. may be weeping silently for their missing sister..
may she rest in peace..
i cldnt cry
cos she's safe..
back to the person who created her..
i'm happy for her.. at least she wldnt haf to go thru the hardships of life..
but still..
may she be happy wherever she is..
my kitten.. so beautiful she is..
even as she lay on her deathbed...
serene.. composed.. so beautiful..
























its abt him again..
always..
the past will oways come back to haunt
our lives.. in turmoil..
all that old story
had to be brought up again..
the question of trust
undeniable..
promises
meant to be kept
lay broken in nothingness..
we quarreled
a misunderstanding
we cleared it
so now we're happy again..
we're related.. in a way..
blood ties..
unavoidable..
y'd others know
smth which is meant for us
he'd go ard and tell everyone
smth which is meant for our ears..
bcos he knew..
that finally it'd reach us..
no.. me..
its meant for me..
smth he held
against me..
i was told to wait
for smth
he wanted to prove..
smth..
he forgot all abt it
bcos now
i have u
and bcos of that
he went away
back to where he tot he's meant to be
he hides
he pretends
bcos u.. are related to him
he's left wid no choice
he refuse to lose..
will not admit defeat..
tinks he's most forgiving
tries to forget everything
when late at nite..
he cld be thinking abt this
he cld be doin anything
he cld, may or wld..
and all these..
u know..
smth not meant to be spoken
i know..
and i will speak of it..
its over.. a long long time ago..
eons of age.. old memory..
history..
so y do we still think of it now..
bcos its unavoidable
bcos deres smth
incomplete
but we let it rest
we shall let it rest as it is














I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten
(natasha beddingfield-unwritten)

birthday dinner!!

hmmm.. well............................
he did VOLUNTEER to treat us to dinner..
cause he juz got a bonus from work..
good for him la..

went to watch kung fu hustle wid my baby today!!!
DAMN!!! the show was freaking GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
wahahahahaha... pretty bloody but funny too..
very very nice movie.. juz excellent...
highly recommended!!!!


den ard 8pm, my bro picked me up from ps..
traffic was TERRIBLE!!!
so packed!!! and i dun like his bike..
so uncomfortable..................................
but wat to do.. juz for a while only la..
went to newton to eat...
DAMN WAS THE FOOD EXCELLENT!!!
ffuuuuuu.................
chilli crab... steamed gong gong.... fried kang kong..
tom yum soup.. buttered tiger prawns..
wah.................... *mouth-watering*
so filling........ tastes so ggoooooooooddd...................................

hahahaha.. i wanna go back dere and eat again some day..
hawker centre style.. nth beats newton hawker centre..
not even restaurants.. wahahahahaha..

Alhamdulillah

Shouldn't you guys be treating him dinner instead?
I mean, it's his birthday, right?
Heh..
Anyways......

Di saat waktu berhenti.. Kosong.. Dimensi membutakan mata, memekakkan telinga, lalu diri menjadi hampa.. Saat paradigma dunia tak lagi di akan untuk menarka.. Sadarku akan hadir Mu mematahkan sendi-sendi yang biasanya tegak berdiri.. Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku untuk hanturkan sembah sedalam kalbu.. Adapun ku sembahkan syukur kepada Mu Ya Allah untuk nama harta dan keluarga yg mencinta dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa.. Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik tentang makna diri.. Semua lebih berarti apabila dihayati Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah..

stupid me...

great.. juz great..
my cat juz gave birth yesterday..
she's so proud of her kittens ah..
was screaming to everyone to come and see her babies..
she juz HAD to slp near my bed..
so all thru the nite i cldnt slp..
so noisy..
aiyo.. not only dat..
my mum sleeping in the same room as me..
also another noise-maker..
u know wat i mean..
sometimes pp juz cldnt help it..
not like as if u KNOW u're snoring rite..
and before that..
silly me was juz too clever..
saw my mum drinking coffee at 12am..
felt so tempted to drink also..
drink ah.. skali cannot slp the whole nite..
freaking bored..
managed to close my eyes only ard 4am..
and woke up at 8am..
wah seh...
everyone at home go out work adi.. except me and my youngest sis..
she skipping skol today..
hahahaha..





sians... so here i am blogging..























oh oh!!! today's my brother's 24th birthday!!!!
and he's giving us a dinner treat today!!!
weee............................. ;)
but before that..
i'll be goin out wid ma baby..
miss him adi..
stupid boy dint slp for a whole day..
confirm today wake up late one..
hahahaha..
later den!! chiao!!

skol skol skol

6 days to skol...
notes.. lectures.. tutorials... teachers..
cjc teachers sucks..
i hate dem.. i hate dem.. i hate dem..
not their fault reali..
the teaching method sucks...
the pace of studying so so fast..
damn it..
6 days.. and a whole yr to the largest obstacle in my academic career..
a' levels..
gawd it sucks..
6 days.. to the end of 2004..
good bye to j1..
good bye to fun..
good bye to slacking around for a whole yr..
good bye to everything that happened in 2004..
6 days more to 2005..
siixxx daayyyssss................................

this is abt yesterday.. heh.. i oways seem to be a bit lagging..

rmb i said i wanted to go swimming to burn some fats off?
i did!!! weelll... not literaly some fats off thou..
but i did give my body muscles some work to do..
hehehehe..
was supposed to go swimming wid jing..
but she dint reali feel like goin..
so went wid my baby to swim..
dint go far.. juz went to bishan complex..
was pretty fun.. he IS a much better swimmer den i am..
hehehe.. i haf to admit that.. i'm not that good at swimmimg..
yup yup..
but the most special ting i found out yesterday abt him................
is that his body cannot adapt quickly to the change in temperature..
the day was windy.. and the water was pretty cold..
even wid his body in the water and his head above..
he juz cldnt stop shivering.. uncontrollably..
hehehehe... and dere i was experimenting wid him..
kissing him.. hugging him.. rubbing his face.. i still haven discovered yet thou..
trying to see wat wld make him stop shivering..
hehe.. i juz cant help laughing at him!!! i know its mean......
but he juz looks so cute wid his teeth chattering..
for more than 1/2 an hr..
and dere i was taunting him.. and showing off..
dat i wasnt feeling cold!!! and dat i wasnt shivering at all.. heh..
he swam a few laps.. i swam a bit.. i wont say a few laps..
was still feeling lazy.. hehehehe..
but it was fun swimming wid him..
reali reali fun..
hehehehe..
den after that he went for some soccer game..
watched him play..
so funny also..
his legs shagged adi after all de swimming..
he is a pretty good player playing outfield..
i'm proud of him all the more..
den he disturbed me wid his perspiration-drenched t-shirt..
eeww...
hahahah...
full grown man.. will oways act like little kids..
cant be helped.. they're juz so "innocent"
hahahahahaha...

thursday, friday, saturday(today)...

thursday..........................................................
christmas gathering wid my old pals!!!!
long time no see my FIONA BABY!!!!!
fuuu... a huge huge huggy for her!!! gosh i missed her badly...
its been so loonnngggg................ since i last saw her... dun rmb when also..
hmmm... the peeps who went were.....
joyceh, prabs, ian teddy, vivian n reuben, nicole and danny, fiona and her bro dion(i tink dats how his name is spelt), me and shalih baby.. yup yup..
michelle cldnt make it.. her bf also.. shy i tink.. hehehehe...
tasso also dunno wat happened to him.. heard he lost his hp.. so careless..
me and shalih were the last to arrive.. hehe..
when we came, everyone was juz chilling out and chit chatting..
den came the round of introduction..
first time dey see my bf ma..
and den the rounds of photo taking..
and all the catching up to do..
we were supposed to haf dinner..
but apparently everyone was juz eating the yami yogurt..
so we, hungry pp juz went wid the flow la..
after that went to play pool at monster cue..
played for 1hr like dat den wanted to go rouge to club..
praba's idea.. but den the place was closed for some party and we werent allowed..
den went to hendrix.. seriously.. a lot of mats and minahs go dere..
me, shalih, nicole and danny werent interested in clubbing..
cos we cant risk goin back late.. all got plans the next day..
and besides that.. i wasnt reali interested in the idea..
dun feel like clubbing after all the decision making..
muz wait for the guys to dunno talk wat, choose wat, dunno dunno wat la..
so de rest went on to club..
heard they enjoyed themselves well..
tts good to hear..
den we went to eat mac.. cos we were starving..
all the walking and waiting..
den after that took a cab home!!!
but the most exciting part was all the laughing and the jokes..
and when we were playing pool dat time..
and when praba prank on joyce in the dark..
she screamed so LOUD!!! hahahaha..
got to admit.. it was funny..
like old times.. very fun.. reali missed dem..

friday.......................................
he did the sweetest ting..
he braved the roads, traffic..
staring at maps until he cross-eyed(exaggerate a bit ah)
hehehehe..
he cycled all the way to my place!!!! can u believe that??
from bishan to kallang!!!
so far la.. and he cycled all the way juz to mit me...
so swit rite.................................. ;)
so dangerous le..
next time muz be careful k..
hehehehehe.... juz so swit of him...
and he's so shy to come up to my place..
cos my whole family is at home..
hehehehe.. its okie..
next time.. no rush..
yupyup.. LOVE YOU BABY!!!! so swit la u............

today!!!!! (finally.. after writing so much..)
made a new skin for our blog!!!
cool aint it? hehehehe..
took quite a lot of editing from the original script..
made it together wid HIM!!!
yeay!!! alas...
its completed..
yup yup yup..
spent time wid him..
everyday!!!!!
and i still dun get enuf of him..
i wont get tired of his presence.. definitely..
and.............
he is putting on weight!!!!
hahahahaha.. good for u baby~!!
if u're fine wid it... i'm fine wid it too..

tml!!! i'm goin swimming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goin to work some fats off.. wahahahaha...
its abt time.... hehehehehehe...

Kami Belia-Belia

Kami diberi peluang memikul kewajipan dan tanggungjawab..

Kami diberi peluang mengorban kepada negeri, masyarakat, agama dan orang tua kami..

Kami diberi peluang berhubung dengan orang dewasa pandangan kami..

..pandangan kami dengan penuh kehormatan

Kami diberi peluang mempunyai maruah, iman dan tanggungjawab..

..mempunyai wawasan dan mengetahui cara menghargai diri

Kami diberi peluang untuk memberi orang dewasa melaksanakan peranan mereka..

..peranan untuk membantu dan menolong kami mendapatkan ciri-ciri tersebut

Kami diberi peluang membetukkan diri kami..

Kami diberi peluang membentukkan masyarakat kita pada masa depan..

Kami diberi peluang menyuarakan pandangan kami..

Dear Darl,

I just came back from jogging.. Guess what time I slept yesterday? 1 plus in the morning! ..and guess what time I woke up? Don't ask me why, but it was 4 plus in the morning!! Couldn't get back to sleep, so then I decided to download songs.. Well a song to be exact.. The only song that was stuck in my head just now was You Gotta Be by Desiree.. Don't ask me why again.. Heh.. I don't know.. After downloading and listening to it, I then put on my sweater and track pants 'cause of the morning breeze rushing into my room (I was previously naked......err..half-naked)
Then I got the jogging mood out of sudden (with the help of the outfit that I wore) So yeah..
Morning update for you.. Till then till then till then.. Tata!

With Love,
Baby..

blood donation..

today was pretty bloody.. wahahahaha..
was intending to donate blood yesterday..
went wid my baby..
but the lady at the counter said i've gotta haf my mom's consent..
got to go home, fill up a form.. and come back the next day.. which is today..

so today i went again.. all the way to outram..
to this big, tall blue building..
"health science authority"
wid my baby accompanying me along again..
tanks so much eh..
he was telling me some story he made up..
smth abt pp in white coats bringing me to a room..
lock me up.. did experiments on me..
dunno wat dunno wat..
den he came to my rescue..
(hehehehe.. damn funny la..)
wid his special team..
den dunno wat dey do..
he saved me..
den i died in his arms..
and he screams a loud NO... and cries...
so drama...................... hahahahaha...
baby.. baby.. so cute la u..
den went to register.. fill up some form.. go for medical check up..
den take blood test for iron..
den when i'm certified suitable as a donor..
they ushered me into a room..
the seats were full of donors..
the seats was so high la...

oh oh!!!
gotta give a huge huge thank you to the nurses@bloodbank,HSA..
nurses dere are so friendly!!!
so easy to talk to..
and i was laughing along wid all their chatters..
and quite a number of malays..
so friendly... warm.. cheerful..
hahahaha..
oh oh!! and i was complaining abt their large blue stress ball ah!!!!
the ball so BIG!!! so hard to squeeze!!!
i wanted a smaller one.. but they dun haf..
den the ladies dere juz chuckled at my complaint..
hahahahaha...
den the malay nurse dere was saying to me..
"name khadijah macam besar gitu.. sekali tengok orangnye kecik pulak.."
(translation)"my name khadijah like big like that but when look at the person, the size so small.."
kekekeke.. laugh only ah..
den the lady asked if i was alone..
i said i came wid a fren.. so she gave me an extra refreshment ticket.. so dat my baby can eat also..
so nice rite!!!
den when they're bandaging my arm..
the lady wanted to use a pink strap wid smileys..
i dun like.. hehehehehe.. (sori joyceh..)
so i requested a yellow one.. dey dun haf orange or blue so no choice..
so i went home wid a yellow smiley strapped on my arm..
its been fun..

but now dat i'm home..
i took the bandage out..
the wound still hurts..
very peculiar.. since its not my first time donating blood..
the small prick on my finger also hurts..
my whole left arm feels a bit numb..
i hope dis doesnt go on for too long..
hahahahaha.. but it feels great donating blood..
the needle isnt very painful.. hahahaha..
so all u future donors out dere..
dont worry abt the needle aite..
its pretty big actually..
hehehehehe...
but u wont feel a ting.. dey use anesthetics (is that how u spell it??)

yup yup.. till tml den..
goin for a "christmas" gathering wid my frens..
my bf included..
dun worry.. we arent reali celebrating christmas..
juz dinner at some restaurant..
yup yup.. till tml!!!

update update...

woh... haven been blogging lately..
juz dint feel like it..
so here's an update!! hehehehe..
of wat i've....
been....
doin....
lately...
hehehehe.. *grins*

today is monday...
rite.. so lets see...
yesterday was sunday..
the day before was saturday..
hehehehe...
wat did i do on saturday??!!!!
oh oh!!!!! watched shalih's soccer match..

firdaus brought farhana along dis time.. goodness.. she was so excited!!!! when her bf was playing la.. he was playing midfield btw.. which was only in the second half of the match?? i tot tt was pretty unfair.. he's a very good midfield player.. most of the better players werent given the chance to play on the first half.. and guess wat?? the first goal within the first 15mins of the game.. so fast la!!!! wat were the defenders doin????!!!!! or better still... WAT IS MY BF DOIN???? by by... cant blame him also la.. his request to play outfield wasnt granted.. coach still wan him to play goalie.. cos he's the best.. i haf to admit tt.. national player wat.. *boasting unashamedly.. hehehehe..* yeah!!! my bf is the captain of his team and he used to play for the national team too.. tt explains why he is super tanned.. hehehehe... anyways............................
score? 7-0.. fuuu... he let in 7 balls.. but its alrite.. its juz a game anyway.. someday u'll get to play outfield by.. and show him tt he was wrong to put u wid the poles.. tsk tsk.. dun get so uptight abt it aitez..
saturday's gone...

sunday...
rotten day..
stayed the whole day at home..
guess wat i was doin??
drawing.. not pictures or sceneries or watever..
i was drawing............ my sister's name.. and my brother's name...
results are pretty satisfying..
i aint reali an artist.. my baby is THE ARTIST..
i juz draw for fun.. my best frens wld know tt..
used to vandalise tables wid their names and my crap drawing..
hahahahah..
that was how i ended my weekend...

monday!!! ITS TODAY!!!!
wahahahahaha...
started the day wid an MCS meeting..
gosh.. tiring... it reali uses up ur mental energy man..
same as acting..
planning.. and more planning..
after that.. my vice-president's bf came..
who happens to be the hockey captain..
he is so blluuurrrr.............
this is wat happened....... both of them planned to watch a movie at 2.30pm. he msged her and asked.. "only two tix is it?" like DUH?? so this sarcastic girl said "no 3.. khad coming along also.." so he replied wid an "okie.." like wat???!!! he actually bot it??!! riittteeee.. so she felt guilty and called him up and told him.. tt i aint coming la.. i'm goin to mit my bf.. and tt it was only a joke.. so he said.. "haha.. so funny.. (in a sarcastic tone)" goodness..
so tt juz showed me how blur he can get.. tank goodness he isnt so blur on the hockey pitch..

den after the meeting.. met my bf.. walk walk ard.. den later on we met up wid firdaus.. go look for job.. den after a few tries.. went home!!! he sent me home!!! weee...... dunno why i'm so excited.. hehehehe... cant get enuf of him.. hahahaha.. so childish la.. in the bus still wan to play.. wah lau.. hahahaha.. layan je.. we'll oways be young at heart eh.. ;p
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next part of my post..
why are some pp so shallow.. and yet some are deep?
why are pp classified-- into groups? categories?
are we defined?? as having a purpose in life? is everyone meant to do smth?
if so-- den why are we robbed away off the pleasures of life..
of wealth, fame.. or even happines.. juz becos we're...
different?


why are some of us not as lucky or as well off as others?
if u love ur mother juz bcos she buys u everything u ask for..
watever u wan to wear.. watever u wan.. anything..
all u had to do was ask.. and she'll say..
okie.. tml after work i'll bring u shopping..
and u love her..
and ur dad seldom sees u.. he doesnt buy u stuff..
doesnt seem to try to spend time wid u..

den have u ever stopped to wonder?
why?
doesnt he love me? as a daughter or son...
haf u ever tried to show ur parents how much u love dem???
dat it is not materialistic wealth u're after..
dat it is bcos u are bound by blood...
u juz say... "i love u mummy..."
"i love u daddy.."
like so???
haf u ever wondered?? for a moment..
where all dat clothes and food and money that u haf...
where it comes from???
haf u ever showed dem anything???
how much u loved dem??
how much dey mean to u??
so wat if u say.. "when i'm older, i'll take care of u.. dun worry.. "
words.. juz words..
wat if dey dun live on to see u when u're older??
it'll juz be a burden off ur shoulders rite??
*sighs*
it reali saddens me..
shallow pp...
wld juz take it for granted that their parents are their money bank..
someone who supplies their needs.. a maid.. an atm machine.. watever..
pathetic.. they love their mum cos dey pay for everything..
they dun love their dad cos he doesnt spend time wid dem.. or vice versa..
like wtf??
i juz realised all this..
when i requested for a table lamp from my mum so tt i can study..
and she wont let me haf it... even thou it only costs 20+ bucks..
electricity bills are upped.. a single mum..
its a struggle i can see..
she wld tell me all her probs..
we are very close.. like friends.. even that..
i haf to admit..
i was disappointed.. i rarely ask her for anything..
and when i did, i cldnt get it..
den why do all dose kids out dere, can get anything dey wan.. juz by asking..
i was jealous, angry.. felt tt life was unfair.. but hell..
i still loved my mum..
she explained it to me.. and i understood..
tt was all she needed.. for me to understand..
and i wasnt angry wid her..
juz told her.. that i'd save up for it..
and all else was fine.. i told her..
i'd study very hard for my a's..
i wanna make her proud of me..
i wanna make my dad proud of me..
i told her.. everything will be fine..
i'll show u.. wait for me.. and i'll show u..

Very Soon

Watching spinning white balls going past me.. One after another.. Making me look weak.. 7 goals conceeded.. Not surprised.. Not the first time.. Not my fault..

I don't even know why I am still in the team, damn it.. Maybe I should tell them this, "Which is better? Balls going past me as a goalkeeper or balls going pass me as a defender?" Why aren't they doing anything about my request?? Must I threaten to quit them? The last time I did that, I became the next captain and the 2nd assistant manager.. What the hell?? I just wanna to control the team FROM THE MIDDLE.. Not far behind at the sticks..I'm pretty confident that I'm better and skillful than the rest of the team AS AN OUTFIELDER.. Sigh.. Why don't each one of you try goalkeeping and feel how is it like to be embarrassed in your own penalty box, the so called pure white box where you make wonders and become much respected.. How do I do that when the defenders are like shit.. Very soon, this F-word will...... ahhh.. Very soon, I will...... ahhh.. Enough said..

hmm....

nth much exciting has been happening lately..
discovered some queer ways of laughing thou...
pretty retarded i muz say..
hahahahaha..
trying to finish my homeworks by end of dis week hopefully..
den can start revising for a's..
gosh i cant wait for a'levels to be over.....
can feel the pressure adi ah..
hahahaha..
cant wait for next yr to pass..
quickly quickly..
hope the next few days wld be much more exciting..
yup yup..
feeling bored now..
my baby is somewhere out dere nite cycling wid his best buddy..
hope nth happens..
cheerios peeps!!!

wat a day...

went out wid my sisters today..
as in my real sisters..
blood sisters..
gawd... one woman and a girl..
i'm de one stuck in the middle..
wahahahaha..
anyways.. wanted to go watch Alexander today...
at bugis shaw theatre..
but me and my adeq is underage!!!
its m18.. wat the hell..
some trailer was educating us abt the various ratings they haf..
"Now u'll have more choices to choose from"
like wat the hell??
bulls**t.. crap.. wat-ever...
so we ended up watching national treasure..
so sori joyce woman.. dint expect it..
we'll watch another show someday aitez..
well.........................
national treasure...........................
i wasnt reali expecting anything exceptionally entertaining..
but the roles were played pretty well..
storyline wasnt reali very catchy..
the guy acting as the bad guy was pretty good but the character wasnt in depth enuf..
so basically the show reali dint haf that classic touch..
that "oomph" that u'd expect from the creators of "pirattes of the caribbean"..
tt show was excellent..
wat wid johnny depp.. fuuu...
National treasure is way below tt expectation..
and it had a "happily ever after" ending..
like so................................. fairytale?
all i can say is... the show is juz ok..
well.. tts my judgement..
and i wont encourage u peeps to watch it anyways..
my sis paid for my tix so its fine wid me..
yeah..

another note to today's post..
as i was on my way to bugis..
smth at the back of a seat caught my attention..
it wrote..
"Crush the ugly head of communism;
Remove the Lee family from power;
Seize the freedom and wealth we deserve."
riiggghhhhtttt.........................
written in blue marker at the back of a seat..
of a bus..
i shld spread the msg and write that on every bus i take eh..
gawd... such outright defiance against the government..
not bad eh..
hahahahaha..
all i can say is that i'm impressed...
history is repeating itself..
right in front of our very eyes..
power.. greed.. wealth..
its a cycle aint it..
trapped..
too bad for those who are trapped in it..
too bad for those who haf to suffer cause of those..
who are trapped in it..
pp like us..
who follow the sway of the govt..
who cant do anything to oppose it..
too bad for us..
i wonder wat the future will be like.........

Go! Go! Go! (Edited)

Eating nasi goreng with fried eggs and a fish now at this hour.. Late dinner I supposed? So anyways, I'm here to tell you what I've done so far (..while I'm eating) Lets see, I played soccer with the guys.. Met up with Dexter, Jeremy, Remy and Ian at the coffee shop next to the field.. Drank milo and puffed some cigarettes before going to the field.. Field was damn freaking muddy and wet.. I didn't mind cause I was very sure I won't trip, fall and get myself dirty.. Scored 2 goals.. Can't find a hat-trick though.. Then there was this old guy (in his 40s?) with his three friends who came in to join us.. He wasn't in our team though.. He look harmless.. Real harmless because he was wearing some sexy shorts and I was laughing my head off about it actually.. Then it happened.. He pissed me off by elbowing my jaw from the left, so I happen to find the right time to take him on......harder this time!

There! He got the ball.. I'm the nearest to him! Go! Go! Go!

I ran so fast and then slided him..
He fell, tumbled and got up to shout, "Serious play huh??"
I got up, said sorry insincerely and just walked away.. Then I felt what I did was terribly wrong.. Where's my sportsmanship?? People have looked up at me because of my soccer skills and my achivement of reaching to the national standard.... I'm even the captain of several teams.. Now I feel like I've let many down.. Anyways, after the game, I apologized.. This time I was really sorry.. Then he said, "Wahhh.. Not bad! You're very good!" Yeah.. That felt great.. So then I rushed back home, took a shower and then went over to MCorner, accompanying darl to study.. Early preparations for her A's.. Sent her home and now I'm here.. Bleargh.. Tired from typing.. (It's been awhile since I last post) Gotta go now! Ciao.. Love you, By..

the very first time.. flashback..

it was the studying period..
everyone was busy wid their books..
me for my promo exams..
him for his prelims..
the weather was pretty sunny..
the place was crowded..
full of students studying for some exam..
him wid a group of frens..
me all alone..
my frens was juz dropping by later..
place? the interchange macdonalds..
big mac, the macs.. watever pet names its given..
found an empty table beside his..
left my bag dere.. went to the toilet..
came back.. tot i'd break the ice...
"Oi!!! sombong seh!!!" (proud seh)
nv reali talked to him before..
but we've met..
on some occasions..
so i took the opportunity..
to at least say hi..
hahahaha..
instead of juz sitting dere awkwardly..
so tt was how it all started..
the swit memories of the past..

the next few days were a turmoil..
he told me lots of stuff..
abt him, his frens and everything happening ard him..
and i told him mine..
all my past, present and the coming future..
it wasnt too soon that the problems start happening..
the truth abt an old fren came to light..
the painful realisation of an old love surfaced..
the involvement of an unwanted third party..
the past that came to be tangled up in the present..
reminisce.. the past..
tears flowed.. ties strengthened..
a lesson learnt.. we grew from it..
taught each other something..
trust, love.. honesty..
commitment..
it wasnt an official attachment..
i hope it'll nv haf an official ending..
it was nv meant to be an official commitment..
we'll learn everyday..
and i hope we'll nv stop growing..
from everything that is happening ard us..

We've gotta take another one..

best date ever..

yesterday was the best date i ever had..
tanks to my baby who planned it all..
and he actually went to survey ard the day before juz to make sure everything goes as planned..
so swit!!!
been waiting for so long..
dint meet up for 4 days juz for dis day..
torturous le.. wahahahaha...

so it all started out wid meeting each other at toa payoh interchange..
first time he's late..
usually its me.. hehehe..
but while i was waiting for him, some stupid old man was scanning me from near..
pervert.. den i juz stare at him ah..
cos i was wearing a mini skirt wat..
and he walked off..
den he came..
he looked dashing.. we both looked great..
den rush down to take the mrt..
he was carrying some plastic bag..
i dint go snoop ard.. cos he'll tell me later or smth..
yup yup..
took de train down to tanjong pagar..
went to eat at a restautrant-"fig and olive"
the place was so empty................
it was ard 5 or 6 i tink..
so its was smth like an early dinner?
hahahaha..
it was his treat.. and the food tastes great!!!
tanks!!! so filling..
we had the whole restaurant to ourselves..
hehehe...
and den he gave me that ting inside the bag..
its so swit of him!!! he actually painted the pictures or comic strip of the first time we went out to catch a movie..
its so nice!!!
i cldnt believe he actually did that..............
well he admitted tt it was supposed to be my birthday present..
but he wasnt free to do it at tt time wid his o's and hari raya and other stuff..
but its okie.. i understand.. but he still did it..
so thoughtful.. hahahaha... took him 3 and 1/2 days to complete..
wahahaha.. yeah.. it was worth the wait..
i was so happy abt it.. all i cld do was stare at him..
hahahaha.. tts why i kept staring at u by...
so after eating we went to mph for a while..
he showed some greeting cards tt were so funny..
from memory lane.. dey make great cards..
from dere we went to orchard.. visited jing at her workplace..
but she was busy.. chat a bit den we went to heeren..
went to take a picture together!!!
its so nice........................... reali!!!
wahahahaha..
maybe he'll upload it later or smth..
yup yup!! den we walk walk ard and went to ps..
took a bus dere to city hall..
walked to esplanade.. we did a lot of walking yesterday..
pretty tiring.. but it was worth it..
went to the roof terrace of the esplanade..
i dint know it existed until yesterday..
very romantic place..
i'd love to go dere again some day..
we stood ard and enjoyed the scenery..
was so beautiful at nite..
dere were many couples also..
and groups of pp i dunno doin wat ah..
so we went to sit some where......................
and the rest is history.............
but it was the most memorable date ever..

everything went as planned..
we enjoyed everything that happened..
and we talked abt lots of stuff..
and he almost made me cry...
hahahahaha..
yeah.. but to me.. its de best date ever..
tanks so much for all ur efforts by...
i love you..

Second time, part two..

the man.. (part 2)

saw the man again today..
on my way home..
this time..
i understood more..
he reali was telling a tale without words..
all i heard from him were screams..
and shouts..
no words..
i dunno if he's dumb..
maybe he aint..
but deres smth he sure isnt..
he's not sane..
he kept screaming at the passing vehicles..
randomly..
it was dark at the bus stop..
so i cldnt see his face properly..
i dint know why..
i dint understand his actions..
he's still sitting at the same place..
every day..
most probably every time..
his screams frightened me..
full of anger and hatred..
i was de only one at the bus stop..
so now i realised...
my anger was unbased..
my judgement was unjust..
becos i dint know..
wat caused him to be dis way..
i wish i cld apologise..
but i doubt he'd understand me..
since he's living in a darker world den mine..
dis time i cldnt cry..
i cldnt feel pitiful towards him..
becos den again..
he mite not wan to be pitied..
he did not ask for sympathy..
maybe.. all he wanted..
was for others to leave him alone..
to stop staring at him..
to stop making fun of his poverty..
he did not ask to be joked at..
he doesnt need pitiful looks..
all he wanted cld be to be at peace..
away from others..
dis is again..
juz my other judgement..
i cant do anything anyway..
juz to leave him alone..
tts all..

MIA Boy's Back!

Ngah main kejar2 ngan kuching shalih nie.. Betul2 nye boring sey.. Nk post pun tkde pape yng nk dipost.. Eeee.. Abeh skarang Yvonne suruh Shalih sign up untuk Neopets.. Ape dier cakap? Err.. Tkyah main pun tkpe, asalkan dier dapat earn barang2 kat dalam situ drpd Shalih.. Pe je! Eeee.. Leceh ah kene activate account nie smue.. Tapi cute jugak smue neopets2 dier.. Haha.. Ok lah.. Shalih nk sambung project Shalih.. B-bye!

the man..

went swimming wid jing today..
woke up at 8 am.. supposed to mit her at 8..
hehehehe.. damn freaking early..
cos she got work today...
we wanted to sun tan..
but the sun was too busy playing hide-and-seek wid the clouds..
and forgot all abt warming the rest of us..
so my skin colour is still the same..
talked abt stuff wid her..
thats wat best frens are good at..
chatting.. chatting and not forgetting gossip..
and u can trust dem not to blab abt it..
anyways.. as i was on my way home..

an old man was lying at the bus stop seat..
his eyes tells me tt he's fully awake..
i see him everytime i stop dere..
his dark tanned skin..
tells me of long hours spent under the sun..
his white and unkempt hair..
reflects of old age and poor hygiene..
i cldnt kip my eyes on him..
such heart wrenching pain..
sympathy and pity..
yet he's still alive..
to tell a tale without words..
the area where he lay..
stenched wid urine..
it was unbearable to see him..
i had to look away..
not in disgust..
but in sorrow and pity..
the few belongings he had wid him..
it was den i realised..
he's homeless..
tears were clogging my eyelashes..
pain.. all i felt was his sorrow..
wat am i supposed to do as a public?
wld u as a public, turn away in disgust?
he was not helping himself..
by lying dere hopelessly..
de least he shld do..
is to go look for some odd jobs to do..
to earn himself a living..
it seems.. he's given up all hope..
feeling comfortable on a plush sofa..
or even lying on a soft pillow..
however so.. dis man..
does not seem to be bothered at all..
so here is where my anger sets in..

he's a perfectly healthy looking man..
he's alive, able to walk, able to pass motion...
perfectly capable of taking care of himself..
so wat is he doin here?
taking shelter at a public bus stop..
sleeping dere and treating it like his home..
if wat he needs is money,
work for it..
if he needs a bath,
the toilet is juz a kilometre away..
even old, hunched ladies can collect card-board boxes..
juz so tt dey can haf wat little comfort dey can afford..
even the crippled can work hard to live and stay satisfied..
wat abt this man?
is it all abt sympathy?
he looks sane to me..
he doesnt give those "pervertic" looks..
he isnt begging for money on the streets either..
so wat does he lack?
he isnt helping himself..
maybe he expects someone to help him..
some "kind" soul who wld offer shelter..
tt "kind" soul wld definitely not be me..
i wld definitely not help someone who refuse to help himself..
such pp take things for granted..
its such a pity tt he turned out to be dis way..
but den again..
dis is only my biased pt of view..
i know nth of him..
nv talked to him..
i cld only watch from far..
i dun wan to talk to him wid tears in my eyes..
tears tt flow cos of strong empathy for him..
its such a waste tt i wld cry for such pp..
maybe smth drastic happened in his life..
maybe he's juz depressed..
i dunno.. but until i pick up the courage..
to approach him.. without tears in my eyes..
i wld ask..
i wld like to know why..
to understand why..
i wld like to help if i cld..
but until den..
he may not be ard anymore..
maybe.. till den...

i'm curious....

somebody enlighten me..
i'm feeling curious..
i know of a human being..
a male species of the homosapien race..
who is "attached" or "sexually/physically attracted"
to the female species of this race..

the problem or maybe characteristic of this male..
is that even thou he's attached,
he's flirting OUTRAGEOUSLY...
well maybe not too outrageous la..
hmm.. behind his gf's back..
his frens know abt it..
his frens are not goin to tell his gf..
cos dey dun reali like her
and dun reali know her too..
and it seems..
that the couple haf had problems be4..
so wat am i, as a fren, is supposed to do?

i wanna know ur comments..
wat u peeps tink abt this situation..
the tagboard is juz THERE>>>>>>>
**by the way... this has nothing to do wid my bf or wid anyone's bf..
so dun assume anything kz..**
pls do leave ur comment!!!

yesterday and today

after By came back from sentosa.. he came over to my place..
use my comp a while, chat wid my mum and sis..
i changed and we went to esplanade..
beautiful place.. we enjoyed ourselves ah..
den on the way back..
we discussed abt wats goin to happen in the coming yr..
how are we goin to spend time together..

time is running out soon...
we meet each day..
yearning for the next..
not wanting everything to end so soon..
but i only haf another month..
to spend it wid u..
i dun wan to risk it..
losing u..
not seeing u for days..
y does it haf to be cos of my studies
a'levels..
i cant risk it either..
my future..
my family's hopes and dreams..
my dreams..
*sigh*
been clouding my mind..
all this issue abt studies..
expectations..
where do my social life stand
in importance beside all this?
to be wid the man i love so much..
who means the world to me..
and juggling my skol life..
hockey, mcs, studies..
so hard to decide...
in the end..
i still dun wan to lose u..

Whacked

I've been waking up early nowadays without the help of any alarm clocks.. Useless inventions.. I just open my eyes and the clock shows the time I don't usually wake up at.. Say around 8am? I don't have any ideas if it's a good thing or not.. One reason is because it's the holidays! Tell me, which person on this tiny-little-red-dot-on-the-map island wakes up early in the morning during the holidays or during their days off from work, just to post an entry on his blog?? This is so whacked, man...... Well anyways, I'll tell you my plans for today.. I'm going to Jurong Swimming Complex later at 10am with my evil step mother and my evil step sisters.. I just hope my prince charming with his white horse would come upon me someday.. Gosh, I'm side-tracking.. Where were we? Oh yeah.. Haha...... Have fun swimming around, riding the waves and all.. Then maybe I'll work out by juggling with my soccer ball at the field in the afternoon.. Hmmm, then probably meet Khad in the evening.. So...... I'm gonna get change now.. You guys might be saying, "Take a bath first! Smelly lah you, Shalih!", but why must I when I'm going swimming later?? Crazy...... Okay...... I might kill the other fishes in the sea with my death stinking body odour lah.. Point taken, but...... I have got no b.o., ya? So ba-bye suckers!
By, thanks for yesterday, ya? Love you so much!

early wee hours of morning.......

we're doin dis...
busy talking..
and trying hard to stay awake..
wahahahahaha...

crankiness.....

holla!!!!!!!!!!
dis is the other half speaking!!!
wahahahahahaha...

Testing

Testing..