insecurities..

prelim season has started..
i'll be brain dead soon enough..
this is the first time i cant slp properly before the exam..
cannot believe i panicked the night before..
sounds really silly thou.. worried over a stupid peice of paper..
tsk.. but that piece of paper determines my bloody future anyways..

so was depending on my darling bf for some support over the night..
kenny asked me out for a concert on tenth october but i rejected him.
told him i'm not free.. so i told my bf abt it..
and naturally he'll be pretty mad.. cant blame him there..
sigh... so i really cldnt slp..
and it seems i annoyed my bf by calling him.. twice.
so on the 2nd night i cldnt slp..
was thinking of him(who else)..
but of cos.. cant call him also..
den i'll be annoying him again and he wldnt like that wld he..

pretty disappointed there..
cant do anything also..
so i counted sheeps till i slumber.
pretty silly aite.. heE..



so den during my 2 sleepless nights so far..
was pondering on the idea of love..
is there really such a thing as unconditional love?
wldn't it hurt u
if u're always there for ur other half but they're nv there for u?
isnt that wat unconditional love is?
that u're always giving without expecting anything in return?
but how far and how long can the human heart do that?
even ur parents expect u to take care of them when they grow old..
does that put them as pp who give unconditional love?
i tink not.
and in relationships, it gets pretty tiring when the giver is constantly giving.
and the receiver nv does anything to give back what they have taken.
be it emotional support, wealth, watever la......
haven i always been there for everyone?
so when is someone going to be there for me?


and yea.. i've been a selfish human lately..
and not to mention revengeful.
cos i juz cannot feel as secured as i used to be.
not when so many things are happening around me..
and moreover, seeing him feel emotionally disturbed juz looking at her..
juz.... opened up my wounds..
grrrr.............
i hate feeling so down..

oh oh.. expect more emotional posts from me.. hehe..
its been a tiring and challenging month..
grrrr....


;D