The Dream Which Was Weird

I was crossing a road, a Platypus waddled up to me, and stood beside me.. I glared at it.. It ignored me.. In fact, it was just standing there, looking at the green light patiently in a dignified manner.. I continued glaring at it.. I mean, it was rude of the platypus to stand there, like it was trying to blend in, trying to be...... human! Then I was thinking that this platypus wasn't local.. Maybe it's a refugee, an illegal immigrant or something like that! Then I was being evil by thinking of catching it, then reporting it to the police because it's a refugee platypus! The next thing I knew, I was thinking of how do I start catching it.. If I just jump clean on top of it to try to pin it down, it must get offended and peck me with its beak.. The beak looks flat and vicious.. I better do small talk.. Weird, I want to talk what?! Oh dear, the light are amber!! Better put on a placid smile first..

"Hello, Mr Platypus," I said in my best jaunty voice.. Sounds a little like an elephant farting..

"Yo, mate!" the ugly Platypus replied, nonetheless.. Definitely Australian, I told myself.. Quick, think of something Australian to say!

"Say, is that Billabong you are wearing then, mate?"

"What the fuck?"

"Ah? I mean, did you watch Miss Universe, Australia won, right? Pretty sia.."

"Yeah, the Oz won.. Mind you, Kangaroos kept giving me the cocky look when they saw me.. Cocky Kangaroo! Hahahaha.." He began to laugh deeply at his own joke..

"Eh? So you're not Australian lah?" I asked..

"Insulted mate! I'm from the great Britian! I am from the land of the wrinkly Queen! The motherland of Indians.. Hahahaha.. And I am proud to be a British platypus! Mind you, we have Harry Potter, and the Spice Girls and Beckham! What more does a nation want?"

"Well, we have nasi lemak and the esplanade lah.."

"I don't understand what you are talking about, mate.. Are you mocking me? I may be a platypus, a British one mind you, but I am not stupid! Say, do you want to cross the road with me?"

"Ah? No.. Tak payah.." The platypus looked scandalised.

"Why?? And don't speak in that native tongue of yours!" he screamed in a high pitched voice, not unlike a platypus would..

"Err.." How can I tell him gently that I don't wanna cross the road with a filthy platypus like him, and I also want to catch him to report to the police?

"Err, err, err, you fool, speak up!", he said, breaking my thread of thought..

"Don't imitate me, chee byee!"

"Well you did speak that way, mate! Say, while you take such a long time to decide what to make up your speech off, could you help me take a photo? Of me standing right here leaning on this lovely fire extinguisher here? There there, lovely.." He handed me a wet camera.. I was like, what the fuck? Why is his camera wet? Stupid platypus.. It's time to act.

"Would you like to play catching with me, Mr Platypus? I'll run after you with a giant net and see if I can catch you.. How's that? Can or not?"

"Sure thing mate! Sounds fun!" I pulled out a giant butterfly net out of no where and caught the stupid platypus in a jiffy..

"Haha.. You stupid platypus!" I announced in triumph.. "Thast's for being a refuge! I shall report you to the police!"

"You kid me not, human," the refugee platypus actually shrieked in laughter..

"What's so funny?!"

"Well first of all, I am not a refugee.. I am an expatriate.."

"Haha.. Goody goody!"

"And secondly, I've been in Singapore for years! You expect me to believe that lie about reporting me to the police? You thought I'm a kid? 'Ah boy ah, if you don't stop crying, the police will come then you know yadda yadda' nonsense is too commonly used as a threat! I am not scared!" said the expatriate platypus in a horrible smirking manner..

"Eh? So you're not a refugee lah?" I asked tentatively..

"That's right! Now get me out of this net please.."

"No! I still can report you to the police and they'll lock you in jail for talking! Animals can't talk, stupid! Wait till the Channel News Asia hear about this, they will interview and embarass you in the news! Warghaha.. I'm evil!" The platypus stared at me, and promptly chewed his way through the net to freedom.. I looked on in horror, then it hit me.. "Hey! I just realised you were pretending when you said you don't understand what is nasi lemak and the esplanade lah! Chee byee! Bluff me!"

"Well," the expat platypus said, "I don't like that stuff.. Anyway, you have offended my rights as a platypus, as horrid as my name sounds with platy and pus inside, but that's not the point.. The point is, I am gonna peck you to death if you cannot answer this question of mine..
Besides the platypus, what is the other mammal that lays eggs?

That's when I woke up.. Stupid Platypus.. Give me a question that I don't know the answer..

Chee..