been blundering my life around..
so many wishes so many dreams..
how the hell did i end up in jc?
i'm juz another girl in that light blue uniform, in that blue skol, looking at her blue table.
2 more months to prelims..
4 more months to my a's..
great.. and my skol work is way way way behind hidden somewhere at the back of my head..
its a definite absolute huge Fs written in my mid yr report card..
i'm worried.. yea hell i am..
but i'm juz not in the momentum of studying yet..
the pressure is still building up.. not yet ready to unleash itself on my brain cells.
its always been abt the notes.. always the notes.. chemistry, physics, maths.. GP.. gawd...



i long for the day when i can break away from my family..
to survive on my own.. to have my own room for once in my life..
to have space for myself.. to clean up all of my own mess and not others..
to have no one nag at u to do things.. there's no pride in having accomplished smth u were forced to do..
i wanna be... juz myself.. not tt i dun love my family..
i love them.. a lot.. but.............
i wldnt have to clean up their mess for them..
i wldnt have to listen to their complains of our faults and not theirs.
i wldnt have to listen to my mum's criticisms of all her children.
me and my sis wldnt have to be the black sheeps for every fault at home.
i'm complaining here.. cos i cant do this back at them..
its juz respect..
and respect is wat i've learnt to give..
but respect is seldom wat i get from them...
nevertheless.. my dreams are for myself.. to prove to myself..
my independence is for my well being..
i feel happy being independent.. i feel pride in doin things for myself on my own..
i solve my problems myself.. i handle my finances myself..
i'd really rather live by myself.. and not depend on my mum..
not tt i tink its a burden to her.. but i tink she'll be happier if me and my siblings grow up quick n get out of her hse..
tts wat she always say.. its her hse.. and we're juz guests..
isnt she such a great mum???
oh.. dont ask abt my dad.. he's far far better...
i wish he'd juz leave me in my own world..
hahaha..